While the excitement is palpable for House of the Dragon Season 2, we're going to take a brief detour this week to discuss the themes of reconciliation throughout Game of Thrones, and how it might apply to your own life.
This past week, I received an email that I knew I'd receive one day, just I wasn't sure when. My mentor, a distant relative of mine as it goes in the family tree, had a feud with his brother. It was my mentor's wish when he passed away last year that I didn't tell his brother, which felt like an 'easy burden' given I've only met the brother once in my life when I was very young.
But so came the news that the brother is terminally ill himself, and was incredibly upset to find out on the same day of his diagnosis that my mentor had passed away last year. I received an email asking for sentimental items, and found a way to facilitate this in a way that I felt I was honouring my mentor's wishes and my own, whilst not depriving a dying man of some items that might comfort him.
It made me think of similar situations in the Game of Thrones universe, and my mind immediately went to Jorah.
Jorah was banished from the family seat of Bear Island dishonourably after smuggling slaves by his father, Jeor, who incidentally became commander of the Night's Watch. From a story arc perspective we're treated to a line for Longclaw to pass down to with Jon Snow, as well as the superb acting from Bella Ramsey as the young and fierce Lady Lyanna Mormont.
Jorah makes a name for himself as Queensguard to Danaerys over in Essos, but has a few links to his past emerge throughout the series. Notably, Jorah is on a reconciliation path with Danaerys by trying to bring 'the gift' of his captive Tyrion Lannister to her. When the initial tensions between Tyrion and Jorah subside, talks turn to Jorah's father, when Tyrion conveys the sad news that Jeor was murdered by mutineers.
So what's the link between the two? The reality of the universe is that families will feud, and we have plenty of examples in history and fantasy alike. House of the Dragon is entirely based on the premise that the only thing that could tear down the House of the Dragon would be itself. Without going into the details too much of the family feud, one brother tried to help the other face a few demons, and the other refused to be helped. Given my mentor's preference to surround himself with positive people, this led to a cutting of ties, despite them living only 15 minutes apart by car.
In this scenario, I felt myself associating with Tyrion. There is absolutely nothing that Tyrion can say or do to Jorah that will make this situation better. For Jorah, the chance of reconciliation is gone the moment he is aware of his father's death. Grief is a complex emotion, tied up in guilt, anger, feelings of unworthiness, feelings of a burden to bear. Family feuds in this process only add to that grief, and I think it's primarily in the closure of a certain path that can never be trodden
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We say 'Valar Morghulis' in the world of George R.R. Martin, that 'all me must die'. Life does not exist if there is no death. Death is the only thing that is both inevitable, and at least in the form you entered this world, permanent.
So what to do about this? I'm sure you may resonate with the stories of Jorah or perhaps the story I've been caught in the middle of in a few ways. So let's take a look into them:
Never say never - In the heat of the moment of an argument, you vow to never speak to someone again, never visit that restaurant again, or leave a part of you behind.
Of course never visiting a restaurant again hardly seems serious, until you then have to turn down meals with friends because of a pact you made years ago in the heat of the moment. Breaking a pact with yourself actually makes you start to resent yourself and doubt your self worth.
So how do you keep those pacts? Well, best not to make them in the first place, they're unrealistic and also mean you get in your own way, speaking of which...
Let go of the past - "Sometimes the reason that you’re suffering is because you won’t let go of the thing that’s biting you." says Jordan Peterson. John DeMartini speaks of how emotional baggage can hinder personal growth and happiness. There's a well known phrase of 'lifting a weight off your shoulders'. We wouldn't try to run a marathon with a bunch of weight on our backs, so why do we expect high performance from our brains when we're carrying things around with us too?
Let both good and bad experiences be a teacher - More from John DeMartini here. “When we embrace our challenges and see them as gifts, we grow beyond our limitations.” Life is a series of stories. If we internalise everything that happens to us as a negative and with a victim mentality, then we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to grow. I firmly believe that no matter the circumstances you might find yourself in, you owe it to yourself to turn it to a positive. This can be seen as controversial in a woke world that's determined to remove personal responsibility, but I believe the greatest growth comes from our greatest challenges - hopefully lessons that are abundantly clear in the Game of Thrones universe.
So what are you next steps?
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Recommended reading:
If you're looking for an early dive into self-esteem, the value you bring to society, and a further look into why letting go is important, the Rob Moore's 'I'm Worth More' is the perfect starting point. Rob is a successful multi-millionaire property owner, mentor and coach in the UK.
I've just finished listening to this one on Audible, and I thoroughly enjoyed Rob looking at all of the areas in life where people hold themselves back, and diving in to how to break free from this. He helpfully also touches on grief, family and monetary beliefs, and gives you the full picture of how to build the self esteem you need to be successful.
Think of this as a 'palate cleanser' in your information diet, of your colleagues, bosses, family, friends or just joe bloggs in the street who might be getting you down. You deserve better for yourself, but you have to believe it. Thankfully Rob saves the manifestation, meditation and simple hope and prayer for the others in the space, and just tells you it how it is in the way that a trusted uncle or mentor might.
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